my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
