Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
