my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
