i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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