yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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