I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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