Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
