I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
