Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
