my vag is so smooth its legendary
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize