He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
