What a fucking waste of an outfit
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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