come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
