after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
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