I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
