in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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