Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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