so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
