I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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