First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
