just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She tied me up with her honor cords...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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