My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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