remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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