You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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