yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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