Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
