ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
