I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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