Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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