Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
