Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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