Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
