I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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