I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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