i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
