Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
