Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
