There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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