If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
