I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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