after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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