well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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