Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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