Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
