mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
