Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
look no pants
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i came on her dog
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
