College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
