i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
