I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
