Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
