That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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