also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
