I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
