you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
